Archive for June 1st, 2004

Who is the Real Villain Here?

The greatest mass extinction of life on earth was not the one where the dinosaurs died. The earlier Permian Extinction was worse than that, and there was another that was even worse than that.

When the disaster that was worse than the Permian Extinction occurred, every life form on earth was permeated by sulfur, which is what acid rain consists of. All of the old life forms were burned out of existence by a gas that even ate wet iron. The only old form of life that survived at all changed in form and went underneath water and mud and gave up the earth’s surface completely.

Oops. I gave you the wrong impression. I said every life form was permeated by sulfur, the stuff of acid rain, and that makes it sound like sulfur was the villain here. The opposite is the case. Every life form back then was based on sulfur. The murderous pollutant that burned iron and took over the earth’s atmosphere was a gas called oxygen.

If you are out in the swamp and step deep in the muck, you will often stir up some gases that smell like rotten eggs or worse. What you are smelling is sulfur. That gas is emitted by old life forms buried deep in the mud to escape from the murderous oxygen. The life that emitted that gas is the form of life that ruled the world before it was covered by deadly, corrosive oxygen.

The “fresh” air you breath is the worst pollutant this planet has ever been cursed with.

We need to restore earth’s natural balance. If we end pollution, the world would go back to sulfuric life-forms, the way it was before White Men brought oxygen

Environmentalists tell us that the white man’s technology is evil, because it upsets the old balance of nature. We are told that the white man brought his diseases to the New World and wiped out the Noble Red Man with them..

But long before that green plants covered the world with oxygen and wiped out the real Native Americans, those life forms based on sulfur.

White men are evil, we all know that. But environmentalists don’t stop there. They insist that all human life is the villain. Non-white humans wiped out the big birds in New Zealand, the truly Native New Zealanders.

Liberals always champion the weak over the strong. Pro-Lifers go them one better. Professional Pro-Lifers prefer the life of a sixty-four cell embryo over people in wheel chairs. They say that shows up the liberals, because liberals defend the weak, but Pro-Lifers defend the even weaker, the embryos..

But we can do even better than that.

Granted that white men are evil and all men are evil, too. Leftists champion animal life over human life. Militant doctors who are fighting for vegetarianism are right now in court trying to get rid of the Atkins Diet. They say killing animals for food is Against Nature.

The people in charge of the Veggie Doctors champion animal life over human life. But soon there will be movement by paid activists that points out that vegetarians are evil, too. Who speaks for the Right to Life of vegetables?

Vegetables are the parents of all animal life, including humans. How dare you kill them?

Vegetables have as much feeling as any embryo. But sulfur plants do too. The green plants evolved from them, animals evolved from the green plants, and animals evolved into man.

So when you kill a sulfur-based life form, you are killing a potential human life.

Now THAT is being Pro-Life with a capital P! Compared to me the Pope is an abortionist!

Embryos have no feelings, but they are more important than handicapped people because, under the right conditions, they evolve into humans But sulfur plants not only COULD evolve into humans, they DID evolve into humans!

I am more Pro-Life than anybody else. I am championing the Right to Life of non-green plants, the plants those green imperialists destroyed with their pollution.

Soon, I will applying for a grant, and I will make this ultimate battle against green-plant imperialism my life’s work.

By the way, I wonder if there was an earlier form of life that all that sulfur destroyed? There could be a fortune in it.

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The Mysterious Death of Senator John Ashbrook

My boss on Capitol Hill was Congressman John Ashbrook of Ohio, NOT Senator John Ashcroft of Missouri.

John had personally prevented the Martin Luther King Holiday, and the year he died it became law.

In 1982 John Ashbrook decided to leave the House after 22 years and run for the Senate against the super-liberal Democratic incumbent, Howard Metzenbaum. There was no doubt that John would get the Republican nomination in the May primary.

An incumbent senator like Metzenbaum almost never directs all his fire entirely at one person who is still just a nominee for the opposing party’s nomination. When he does that, he is announcing that that person already has the nomination sewed up and is already on the same plane with the incumbent senator.

That is exactly what we wanted, of course.

So some smartass on John’s staff –who shall remain nameless — started attacks on Metzenbaum long before the primary was to be held. Cleveland had a huge busing program, and as always busing was only aimed at working class white kids. Every judge I have ever known about who ordered busing sent his own grandchildren to private schools and the one in Cleveland was no exception.

The working class white vote was the one which would decide the vote on Metzenbaum’s re-election.

So we sent out press release after press release press release announcing that “Senator Metzenbaum casts his one hundred and fifty-fourth consecutive pro-busing vote.” Every vote that touched on the issue got a press release from us.

Metzenbaum went ballistic. We were perfectly correct, so all Metzenbaum could do was attack John.

Metzenbaum’s poll numbers against Ashbrook were dropping like a rock.

In April of 1982 John Ashbrook, who had always been perfectly healthy, died mysteriously of a hemorrhage from a tiny perforation on the inside his stomach. You get that from the old Borgia method of drinking crushed glass in a drink.

John’s brother had been strangled the year before by the mob for a gambling debt. I don’t say there is a connection, but this sort of coincidence is unusual even in hardball politics.

Some years later, Sonny Bono was also on his way to getting the Republican nomination against the leftist incumbent senator. Her poll numbers were also dropping fast in a one-on-one match up. Bono mysteriously went out skiing alone on a winter night and ended up having a fatal “accident.”

If either Bono or Ashbrook had died AFTER the nomination, a lot of questions would have been obvious. When the fellow running against you dies, questions always come up.

In fact, Ashbrook’s body was not in the coffin at his funeral because the Ohio police were investigating unnamed “suspicious circumstances.” They never named those “circumstances,” and you wouldn’t if they had anything to do with an incumbent senator and you couldn’t prove your case.

So, conveniently, both Ashbrook and Bono died before their primaries were held.

If Metzenbaum and the liberal California senator had had Italian names, a Mafia connection would be suspected in the convenient and mysterious deaths of their rivals. But Metzenbaum and the California liberal were not Italian. They were both Jews.

Jews have always had enormous power in the Mafia. Bugsy Siegel is just an outstanding example, not a unique one.

It sure looks like a duck to me.

John Ashbrook was my friend as well as my boss. So no matter if it does make me look like a conspiracy nut, it is my obligation to report this set of coincidences.

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Apology to David Duke

I want to apologize profusely to David Duke. I sent him the May 31 piece below and he was deeply hurt. David told me he had no way of knowing that the lovely young lady was going to sing “The American Trilogy” and he couldn’t just grab her off the stage.

This is not the first time my sense of humor has blinded me to the fact that I was hurting someone. All I can do is apologize.

I particularly hate to hurt someone who is a loyal Southerner and who is deeply offended at the idea that he would deliberately do something offensive to the South. That was one hell of a convention, and I said something bad about it.

I make mistakes. What can I do but say I’m sorry?

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Women’s Liberation has helped to overcome the word stewardess. Another evil sexist term that has been beaten back by Political Correctness is the word “secretary.” The word is now “Office Assistant.”

“Secretary” is an evil sexist word, invented to humiliate women. Can you imagine being a self-respecting man working in the Pentagon, and having someone refer to you as the mere “Secretary” of defense?

No man has to put up with the label “secretary,” so no woman should either.

Thank God for Liberation!

There is another term that the brilliant and highly inventive leaders of Women’s Liberation came up with.

In the old Pogo cartoon, there was a character called “Miz Beaver.” She was older and married and had a lot of kids, but the “Mrs.” no longer fit, so she was called “Miz” Beaver.

Younger women in the South were called “Miss” or Mrs.” so that men would know whether they were available or not. In the South, older women were routinely called “Miz” regardless of their marital status.

Then the genius of Women’s Liberation came on the scene. Women’s Liberation declared that the division of women into “Miss’ and “Mrs.” was an Evil Plot invented by men. So the geniuses of Women’s Liberation searched for a term to substitute for “Miss” and “Mrs.” After years of research and development, they invented the term “Miz.”

Thank God for Liberation!

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