I don’t play the lottery, but I have the ultimate lottery card on my wrist.

In fact, the people who buy lottery tickets are exactly the kind of people who would consider MY lottery ticket to be nuts.

I am one of about five hundred people on earth who is actually signed up to be frozen when I die. The hope is that sometime in the future technology will advance enough to unfreeze us. If the society of the future is rich enough, they will do it for us. It will be entirely their call.

If that happens I will be born into a wealthy world with technology that lets you live forever in youthful health.

That beats any lottery payoff.

Please, please don’t make the desperately tired old joke that you will be glad to put me in your freezer when I die. I got tired of that after the first hundred times I heard it.

Ted Williams got frozen. Walt Disney wanted to, but his doctors lied to him about his coming death and it didn’t happen.

An Arizona group called Alcor does the freezing and storage. I went and studied it. You cannot work for Alcor if you aren’t signed up for freezing. Nobody at Alcor makes much money. It is a fun fraternity to belong to.

Alcor is attacked from all sides.

One thing that makes me hopeful about being unfrozen is that every big time experts TV documentaries interview declare that bringing a frozen person back to life will absolutely never be possible, and that the whole thing is silly.

Experts always say that. One big expert had finished the definitive book on cloning mammals. He had sent in the galleys and the book was on its way to publication. It declared, once and for all, what every expert on mammalian reproduction had said over and over: No one would ever be able to clone a mammal.

It was in exactly that period that the birth of Dolly, the first cloned sheep, was announced. This is routine. Expert always say everything is impossible. If you don’t say that, you don’t get called a Real, Tough, Practical expert who is above the pipe dreams of the masses..

MD’s make up less than one in a thousand of the entire population. Among the five hundred people signed up to be frozen are at least a dozen MDs. The Board of Advisors is full of MDs. There are even more PhDs in biological sciences who are signed up to be frozen. Nobody interviews them.

I wear a metal Alcor medical bracelet on my wrist which is exactly like the bracelet people wear warning emergency room doctors about allergies or other problems. It will be read.

My metal bracelet gives the telephone number of Alcor, where people are always waiting – I call there from time to time on other matters – and other information on what to do if I die.

An Alcor team is always ready to go and do the procedure. They do it regularly all over America. They bring me back for storage with those already there.

As I say, everybody in authority is against this. The dead should have their blood pumped out and formaldehyde pumped into their veins, the way God intended.

Why do people feel they have a right to criticize people for wanting to be frozen? It is outlawed in Saskatchewan. Canada outlaws anything it doesn’t like.

All of Ted Williams’ children except one daughter said he wanted to be frozen. His daughter fought it. Someone called her and said, “Your nightmare is taking place at this moment.” This meant that Williams’ body was being prepared for freezing instead of being embalmed. She wanted him embalmed and buried in the ground with the worms.

Why? Because she said that being embalmed and buried with the worms was “natural.”

Go figure.

Why the hell is this anybody’s business but my own?

If I let everybody know that I wanted to be buried head-down with a rose in each ear, nobody would go to court to fight it. Nobody would call in experts to say that was irrational. They would just do what I told them to do, roses and all.