B. U. G. S.

First of all, I refer to myself as “a bastard.” In Europe this is a technical term which refers to someone who was born out of wedlock.

Not so in America.

America is the Land of Opportunity.

In Europe you must be born a bastard.

In America you must EARN the title. It may sound like I am bragging, but I have scads of witnesses to my right to the title.

All of which, as you have surely guessed, leads me to the discussion of goats.

In the article below I said that real, technical “grits,” the corn seed husks that come out of the left side of the machine, are something “that only goats can eat.”

Oops.

By goats I meant the little gray animals I was raised around. They are skinny and tiny and eat anything.

Today if you go to a goat farm you see an animal that looks for all the world like a misshapen cow.

They got goat in them, though, because they are MUCH smarter than a cow.

And a cow is a Nobel Laureate compared to a sheep.

But there is little in common between what I call a goat and those milking animals.

A little gray goat is a wild animal that can live just about anywhere. I used to see them in Central and South America, and it made me nostalgic. I haven’t seen one here in many years.

Anyway, when I said only a goat could eat real grits, I was not referring to the cow-looking ones.

There used to be myth that goats. the little gray ones, ate tin cans. Actually they chewed tin cans to eat the paper stuck to them, the labels. Eating paper and glue is not the same as eating tin, but it’s pretty close.

I was also raised around bantams.

I still want to know what bantams were FOR.

One person said bantam hens were good mothers to orphan chicken biddies.

That sounds like Bantamite propaganda to me.

I have never heard of anybody eating bantam eggs or bantam meat.

Until I get a better explanation, I will assume that bantams were part of an international conspiracy of some sort to starve us out by displacing regular chickens.

But I am a reasonable man. I am willing to discuss the point.