In my piece “Loneliness” below Bob Whitaker, big-time hard-ball politico, ex-spy, ex-combat merc, the guy who knows no fear, sat down and wrote for help.
I immediately got that help from Peter (next article below).
But, Bob is it MACHO to just plain ask for HELP?
Let me give you several answers:
1)
Let me begin by posing another question. Here is a guy who has spent a lifetime being an expert on how the human mind works. If he can’t tell you what HIS mind needs, why the hell does he think he’s an expert?
2)
A young man has every right to be touchy about his manliness. He may not BE right, but HAS the right.
But if you reach my age and you are still trying to prove you are a man, you are pathetic.
When I turned 40 an older buddy of mine on Capitol Hll sat me down and gave me some advice. He said,
“Bob, you are now forty years old. Everybody respects you as a fighter. But from now on ALWAYS keep in mind that while everybody respcts an Angry Young Man, NOBODY has any use for an angry OLD man.”
When I get good advice, I handle it like gold. My demeanor changed subtley but importantly from that day on. I have carefully mellowed.
This is me mellowed, gang. You should have seen me before.
3) I woud not bother you with my personal stuff in the blog if I didn’t think it was part of the advice I am giving you. Nobody wants to read endlessly about somebody else’s psych therapy.
The first thing anybody in my professions, from politics to psych warfare to professional writing must learn is that there is a PERSON on the other end. You must interest him, you must keep in mind that HE doesn’t like being put down either. If what you say masks bad ideas about HIM, go back and get them OUT.
The world is crowded with information and you are just one more person trying to get his word out. Get the packaging that attracts HIM, not the one that looks good to YOU. And when he opens the package, what’s in there will have to get him back to your store because there’s plenty of competition out there.
A giant tome that tells the truth do good if nobody READS it. You will be an old man decades from now saying, “I told the truth and nobody LISTENED. It’s all hopeless and it’s not my fault!”
It IS your fault.
My circuit rider grandfather lived by the words, “The mind can only absorb what the seat can bear.”
If you can’t work and work and work in your mind until you’ve got your message in bite-sized chunks, you will preaching to empty seats.
This is WORK, gang.
4) Know thyself.
Know what you need and know how to say it.
Screw macho.
#1 by joe rorke on 11/17/2005 - 2:30 pm
Macho. Ever since I first heard the word I thought it was a bunch of nonsense. I suppose it has something to do with some concept of “manliness.” I never questioned my “manhood.” I should do what, PROVE my “manhood” to someone? To whom? What are the rules of evidence? Why should I do this to begin with? So you call me something less than a man. So what? That’s your opinion. I may hold an entirely different opinion if I hold any opinion about it at all. I don’t question your manhood or masculinity or “machismo” (whatever that is supposed to be). If you look like a man I have to assume you’re a man. Of course, I could be wrong. So what? You fooled me. Congratulations. Like anybody else, I can be fooled. Of course it’s not unmanly to ask for help. Requested in a spirit of honest it is evidence of that wonderful virtue known as humility. Was Christ humble? Oh, yes. Many times over. “Of myself, I can do nothing,” he said. “There is none good, save one, that is God,” he said. Yes, he said, “I and the Father are one,” but even that is evidence of great humility if you can see it, if you can see what was required. Now I sound like a preacher. How did this happen? I must have accidently gotten on a roll. Mr.Bob says he likes comments so I guess I’m trying to oblige. Macho? Not for me. It requires too much pridefulness…..It is not unmanly to ask for help. I have been doing it all my life. I’m even looking for help here at Bob’s Blog. I’m willing to learn. Always have been. I’m teachable. I don’t think of myself as unmanly. Just another man is all.
#2 by Elizabeth on 11/18/2005 - 2:52 pm
I just try to be careful who I ask for advice. Unfortunately, in
my particular life circumstances, I’m in one of those situations
in which it seems like every Tom, Jane and Judy feels _obligated_
to give me _unsolicited_ advice.
Two of the people I rely upon for _good_ advice are Bob and one of
his two sisters.
Oh, yeah — I get into more (verbal) fights with people over
writing _for_ the audience and not for the self. Like it or not,
the average person reads on a sixth grade level and might have
a second grade understanding of science. (One of my first
fights about this was with a fellow who didn’t realize he
was scaring the h*** out of a lot of barely-literate members
of his hospital’s staff.)