After starting the Reformation Luther gave up the priesthood and got married. Later on, he said, “I am in awe of God’s miracle of human reproduction. I only wish he had given us a less ridiculous way to go about it.”
Men like female breasts but they deny it fanatically. Every male I talk to says he doesn’t “like big breasts.” You see, PEASANTS like what Al Bundy called “big ‘uns.” I remember one guy who kept insisting he like “artistic breasts.” I got on the subway with him once and a girl with huge ‘uns got on. I did my usual stare, and then turned to him. He was standing there, hypnotized. I had to practically slap him to get him back to earth.
He spent a good deal of time the next couple of days giving various reasons for that hypnotic state. He was NOT a peasant!
In fact, the only two names I associate with openly liking big ‘uns are my idol and hero Al Bundy and Lewis Grizzard. Grizzard was wondering at the fact that a woman can take a quick look at a guy she thinks is the sexiest thing in the world and look away. They seem to have a photographic ability that way. Men, said Grizzard, see a well-built woman and just stand there transfixed.
But that is why Bundy and Grizzard were funny. They just said what it is absolutely required that one deny.
I really hate self-righteousness of the “Greatest Generation” kind, because it really hurt people. But rationalizing sex this way is just hilarious to me. Sex is irrational, sex is, as Luther pointed out, just plain ridiculous. Then we have all these people trying to prove they are not gauche, they are not lowah claas about it.
Every male you talk to will say he does NOT favor 1) blue eyes, 2) blond hair, 3) big breasts. Big boobed blonds are for the peasants. When Baywatch hit the screen, it became the world’s most popular TV show of any kind in weeks, and it was one solid mass of blue-eyed, big breasted blonds led by Pamela Anderson. But if you asked 99% of the males who watched it, they would swear they did not like any of the three above criteria.
“I don’t really go for blonds, blue eyes, big hooters.” That is one of a hundred standard retorts I have heard so many times I can say, “The first hundred times it was interesting. After the thousandth repetition, the novelty wore off. The last ten thousand times it has become positively tiresome.”
There are many, many standard responses that the novelty wore off of long, long ago. But when it comes to repeating them, nobody has any shame because nobody has any memory.
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