Archive for March 15th, 2008

Practical History: The Wheel

I have the usual problem with this subject. Things jump out at me that others don’t even notice. The problem is that when I point it out, they STILL don’t notice it. Things like “Asia for the Asians, Africa for theAfricans, White countries for Everybody” that they parrot every day suddenly become totally alien to their thinking.

Then they go back to asking whether Eastern Europe is “ready for immigration” yet.
So I have to explain WHAT the basic assumption about the wheel is and then, while they are trying to digest that and gromming each other for fleas, I have to explain what is wrong with it.

This is VERY frustrating.

I say, “People take it for granted that the wheel was an early invention.”

Those around me give me that bovine look. Their eyes go dull, and they don’t seem to understand my words.

So let me begin at the beginning. If you ever saw B.C. cartoons, you will notice that the cave men there are selling each other wheels. On Married With Children, Peg makes fun of Al by comparing him to an especially unintelligent Neanderthal: “Me no understand wheel thing.”

Everybody down to the meanest level gets the joke in B.C and Married With Children and everywhere else. But when I mention it they go bovine on me.

Please, gang, it is ASSUMED that the wheel was one of Mankind’s first mechanical inventions, if not THE first. “The wheel was Mankind’s first mechanical invention.” I’ve hard it dozens of times on TV and read it more. PLEASE, gang, get with me here.

It is hard to explain why basic assumptions are wrong if everybody goes chimpanzee on me when I MENTION an assumption. So let us all assume that we all know about B.C. and the standard line abut about the wheel.



NOW, having realized what history keeps saying, let us take a look at Planet Earth.
All documentaries tell us that everybody was “incredibly sophisticated.” Watch any documentary. We think the Bushmen are primitive but they are really incredibly sophisticated. We think American Indians were a stone age culture, but they were really incredibly sophisticated.

The Mayans, all the documentaries gasp, were incredibly sophisticated. But they didn’t have the wheel except on some children’s toys. The Egyptians, founders of everything, were incredibly sophisticated, and surely space aliens came down from the heavens to teach them how to build those pyramids.

But they built the pyramids without the wheel. The men from space had not invented the wheel! On it goes. Incredibly sophisticated civilization after highly sophisticated civilization is described, but none of them had the wheel.

If anyone has forgotten why this is odd, please reread paragraphs four and five above. I don’t have the enrgy to repeat it.

The rest of us will proceed.

In fact, there are only two Civilizations that DID have the wheel. Those from Europe did. The Hyksos came down from there and introduced the wheel to Egypt by running over them in chariots, Little is known about them. They were one of those “Northern invasions.”

Asians also had the wheel. It so happens that we found Caucasoid mummies in China wearing clothes with a weave that history told us were invented a thousand years later in the Middle East.

Acupuncture tattoos were found on the man who froze in Alps about the time of the pyramids. You know, the acupuncture the Chinese invented.

Turns out the Great Chinese Civilization had the wheel, too.

I think the wheel is altogether White Man’s Magic.