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Another Joke I Made Up

Posted by Bob on December 18th, 2009 under Bob

This doesn’t mean that no one else thought of the same thing. It just means that since I never heard it from others means they’re probably new to you.

I seldom read links that are sent to me via email unless they have an explanation first. Being a writer, most of my emails consist almost entirely of stuff I wrote myself , so I am probably more touchy than others about someone who wants me to spend my time reading something values his own time more. I can’t STAND a clown who sends out a link with no explanation to a group of people.

Having demonstrated once again that I’m a grumpy old bastard, I will now try to show that I am a grumpy old bastard with a sense of humor.

Having spent my life around fanatics, workaholics, drunks — and me — I am used to depression. So I made a joke about History’s Greatest Depressive. Old HGD was a fine, but he saw the worst in EVERYTHING and was always miserable. The angels couldn’t wait for him to die and go to Heaven where he could get rid of all that misery.

Finally the Day came. The depressive came into Paradise and the angels sang in chorus, “Welcome to the Joyous Place where you will spend the rest of eternity.”

In reply, the depressive wailed, “The REST of eternity? You mean I MISSED the first half?”

Another one that probably shows my state of mental unhealth:

Do you know how to tell someone is paranoid schizophrenic?

He says:

“They’re out to get us.”

This one I did not make up, but it relates to an earlier article. I recognized Lord Monckton who was in Ventura’s show about global warming because BoardAd quoted him to me. I have written about how all the Communists became Environmentalists the day the Soviet Empire fell.

Lord Monckton says “Greens” have “stoplight politics.”

This means that they say they’re Green because they are too yellow to admit they’re Reds.

In my Southern Partisan Partisan Dictionary a quarter of century I defined Catholics as, “People who say some of their best friends are priests but don’t want their daughter to marry one.”

I got a long aggrieved letter from a Catholic guy who decided I was persecuting him with that definition. My editor, a South Carolina Irish Catholic, told me to ignore it.

Actually he said, “F… him,” but it meant the same thing.

The Partisan Dictionary was an obvious rip-off of Bierce’s nineteenth century work, but since Ambrose Bierce was a Texan I felt free to steal his Devil’s Dictionary concept as a part of the Southern Heritage The Partisan at that time reflected.

After all, Bierce defined “Mulatto” as “A child of two races, ashamed of both.”

  1. #1 by Dave on 12/18/2009 - 2:51 pm

    Bierce’s definition of a “Mulatto” as “A child of two races, ashamed of both” is a crude way of knifing Political Correctness, and it is pretty darn good. It gets right to the heart of things.

    Shame has great explanatory power and even though it is meant as a joke, the idea that being Green as a cover for fear of being Red, is better explained by the shame of being Red.

    Who are the Greens? Bureaucrats (welfare recipients) dependent on the dole (disguised as a government paycheck).

    Few among the Baby Boomers, Gen X’ers, and Gen Y’ers have any clue as to the huge role shame played in the lives of the “Greatest Generation”.

    Firstly, the “Greatest Generation” shamefully succumbed to one of most shameful institutions known to white men: the draft.

    Secondly, those unfortunate enough to get funneled into actual combat were treasonously betrayed and knew it. (This is the best-kept secret of WWII).

    Thirdly, none of them had the courage to oppose the abuses heaped upon them.

    Fourthly, the majority of them succumbed to the Religion of Political Correctness to cover up their shameful cowardice.

    Now you have the real explanation of why things are the way they are.

    Few of us understand the reality of it and the current generation is blind to what actually happened.

  2. #2 by Simmons on 12/18/2009 - 2:56 pm

    The “shamed” become bullies, know that, you are way ahead in the game.

  3. #3 by shari on 12/18/2009 - 6:51 pm

    Bierce’ definition is not a joke. It’s a TRAGEDY. We were at a grade school “WINTER HOLIDAY ” program today. It followed the PC restrictions, even though it was 98.9% white. The joy of white children, could not be suppressed, even the tiny, little, thing dancing in the aisle,in front of us.

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