Archive for June 24th, 2004

Irresistible Force Meets Immovable Object

If a reader writes me, I reply fast. It is such a relief to get something somebody wrote personally to me instead of that endless stream of forwards of articles somebody else wrote that I am supposed to read.

And it is especially fine to get a comment by someone who has actually read my stuff. I put a lot of work into this, and if I didn’t think it was worth reading, I wouldn’t write it.

Sine I do answer so promptly and I keep up the dialogue, one reader asked if he had offended me somehow. He also wrote about Beasley’s defeat inthe South Carolina Republican primary and Bush’s chances in 2004. This gave me a chance to vent on a couple of things, so I quote my reply below:

“You haven’t offended me.”

“One thing I guarantee you. If you offend me, I’ll let you know. I have had so many people suddenly go into a pout when they felt offended and just go silent. I HATE that!”

“Grown men don’t pout.”

“And you did not offend me by asking that. I know what you mean, as I said, it happened to me many times, so I understand your concern. You have apparently had to deal with it, too. Isn’t it sickening?”

“I was glad to see Beasley lose, though it if he had won it would have given me a chance to talk about those fake Christians some more.”

“I did not think it was possible for even a Bush to be dumb enough to lose to a Massachusetts Democrat, but Republicans are experts at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. The Clintons tried to hand him victory in 2004 on a silver platter, so it is a race between Clinton’s political genius and Republican stupidity.”

“Republican stupidity is about the only thing that could overcome Clinton’s genius at electoral strategy. This is truly the case of an irresistible force meeting an immovable object.”

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Go Ahead, Take My Name in Vain

During the decades of the Cold War, I was a minor but definite enemy of the USSR. I was never mentioned in any Russian-language publication except maybe one that said, “Kill this bastard and we’ll give you a case of vodka.”

But not long ago, PRAVDA reprinted at least one whitakeronline.ORG article. Now that was something I never expected to see in my lifetime, and I got a real kick out of it.

I found out by chance that whitakeronline.ORG has also been discussed in the Australian Parliament. My informant told me that both the Prime Minister and the leader of the Opposition know who I am, but he kindly refrained from saying what they think of me.

I don’t know who else around the world has been using my name in vain, but I LOVE it!

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Be Your Own Boss

One of the cutest things on television is a line from many infomercials:

“Run your own business. Be your own boss.”

Now there’s an oxymoron if I ever saw one.

Long after his workers have gone home, the small businessman is still slaving away to please the hardest bosses of all: his customers.

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Celebrity Condoms

In case you are ever tempted to take celebrity brain power seriously, let me quote one.

On a talk show, this guy said, “I’m not afraid of AIDS. I use condoms. They block AIDS 98% of the time.”

The host responded, “So that means if you use a condom and have sex fifty times, you’ll get a fatal disease.”

The celebrity replied, “Oh. I didn’t think of it that way.”

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