Archive for November 9th, 2004

A Cosmic Laugh

Posted by Bob in Musings about Life on 11/09/2004

God made man in His own image.

That means God has a sense of humor.

So a guy shows up at the Pearly Gates. This guy has preached all his life that God created hundreds of billions of people specifically so they could spend eternity in the agonies of Hell.

Naturally, this guy thinks he is an exception, so he thinks it’s all just fine.

He says it all may SOUND unfair, but the damnation of men, women and babies “glorifies” God. He says,

“We all deserve Death.” By which he means that, by being born, we all deserve eternal and unimaginable agony.

Including him. But he gets a pass because he knows that.

He says this is OK because God is so great that He doesn’t have to show us the slightest mercy or justice. He says only a tiny group of people, including him, will get a break.

So there he stands, at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter starts laughing.

Peter says, “You said you deserve Hell, so you’re going to Hell.”

“But,” this Great Theologian says, “I read the Word! I don’t DESERVE Hell”

Peter replies, “That’s what’s so funny. Hell is an awful place. The only people who deserve to be there are the people who think it’s just.”

“But,” screams the Great Theologian as he watches the Pit open below him, “That’s not FAIR!”

The last thing he ever hears besides his own screams is St. Peter saying, “Who are YOU to ask God to be just? He is too great for you ask such a thing, REMEMBER?

“God knew that a few people like you would decide, in cold blood, that all his fellow men deserved eternal agony. YOU deserve Hell, so down you go.

“You see, God didn’t create the rest of humanity to go to Hell for his own glory. He’s got plenty of glory.

“God is decent to the humans He created. But He knew a few like you would think Hell was just fine for everybody else. So you are getting history’s biggest hotfoot.”

And the last words the Great Theologian ever heard besides his own screams were these:

“God didn’t create everybody else to be damned for His glory. God created humans just so a few sadistic nuts like you would come along. He doesn’t need glory.

“But He can use a good laugh.”

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Indians and Buffalos

Posted by Bob in History on 11/09/2004

Before the white man brought the horse to America, more Indians were killed by buffalos than buffalos were killed by Indians.

That Noble Native American you see on television had nothing to do with real pre-white America. They lived on corn and, like the Peruvians today, were horribly sick from worms and malnutrition. Their teeth fell out, they had all the horrible diseases like pelagra that malnutrition brings.

Those were the Great Native American Civilizations and the wildly sophisticated Mound People.

Once Indians got horses, they started slaughtering buffalo, cutting off only the hump for meat. You know, that thing that only the Evil White Man did.

If Indians killed a LOT of buffalo, they would just eat the humps. If they killed only a few, they ate every bit of the buffalo. So historians decided that Indians used every bit of Beloved Brother Buffalo, while whites were callous and cruel and killed them for fun.

Indians had nothing else, so used all of the buffalo for their needs. Political Correctness has declared this True Morality.

Professional historians are not just “mistaken.” They are silly asses.

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