I made these up and I repeat them. I say to you as I have said to others: “If you’ve heard this one before, try and stop me.”
I was in alcohol and drug recovery, so naturally I made up some jokes about Twelve Step Programs:
“Have you head about ‘Workaholics Anonymous?’ They have to attend fourteen meetings a day.”
“Have you heard about Depressives Anonymous? They had one meeting, decided it was hopeless, and went home.”
“I don’t know about Paranoids Anonymous. They don’t have any open meetings.”
A joke on a dead thug:
My club has been in business since January 1947 and is called ACOA, a corporation of alcoholics, initials which Adult Children of Alcoholics later took up. I have belonged to other clubs, but, as I have pointed out, this one has the highest entry fee on earth.
A black guy walked in with a gun to rob the club. One of the members had a gun permit. He told the guy he had to get his wallet, and shot the guy dead on the spot. It is not easy to shoot someone dead with a pistol. I know one woman who was in the club who shot her husband five times while he was on the floor with a .38 and he survived.
It is not bright to walk into a room in South Carolina and assume everyone is unarmed. It is also a bad move to walk into a room and try to panic a room full of alkies and addicts. Everyone in the room was used to emergencies.
That is why I hate Clint Eastwood’s “The Unforgiving” so much. I have seen regular people in emergencies, and the New York Jewish Theory that all white goyim are inept cowards when it comes to extreme situations is an insult only those raised by the Greatest Generation could accept like retarded sheep.
A lot has happened in the ACOA Club. It is in Five Points, the preppie section of Columbia with its expensive specialty shops. All that money in the area and who do thieves choose to pick on?
The Drunk Club, for God’s sake! We get broken into regularly, and there’s not a dime in the place. A lot of these thieves, like the late guy mentioned above, don’t know anything about it and think that a private club in Five Points must be money central Most of them are just stupid.
One particular idiot thought he was a pro. He cased the joint attending AA Meetings. He decided the Stash must be in the office. The office has criss-crossing steel rods with about six niches between them on the window. This Shrewd thief was skinny, so he stripped completely and rubbed WD-40 all over his body so he could slide in at 2 AM.
Naturally, he got stuck. He was trying to get through the bars after breaking the window so he cut himself as he wiggled to get free He finally decided to call the police on the office phone, for which he had to stretch and really cut himself to do. The cops called our Head Drunk, as we call the guy who runs the office at the time, and he came out to find the guy still stuck in the grate.
Used to emergencies, he brought a flash camera. He had plenty of time for photos.
The problem was that for over an hour the police would try to get this criminal genius out, but he was buck naked and greased and trying to get him out would cut him and make him scream curses, at which the cops would laugh so bard they had to back away so as not to slice him while they laughed. This happened over and over and over and over.
We had a picture on our bulletin board for months of this guy’s naked butt hanging out the window with blood and oil coming down.
I don’t believe anybody was ever happier to get to jail.
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