My big personal reward for all this time and expense and NERVES I have spent here is  to have people I can really talk to about what is really going on.

You ask the questions only we know how to ask and you make the complaints I could only share with myself all these years. That is a GIANT relief!

A BUGSER can close his eyes and imagine all those years — all those decades — when I was working with the nearest thing we had to an effective opposition and the question would come up, in one form or another, “What is WRONG?” And I knew the answer but could never say “YOU are what is wrong.”

Almost everything I did that was effective cost me. I had to build up credits as my stomach churned playing up to the Respectable Opposition so I could spend those points to my personal detriment but for the few effective bits of real power I used.

You who are now dealing with this sort of mindlessness that calls itself thinking realize I am not describing a theoretical balance to you. I am describing raw insides and being sick at the stomach while trying to not to burst out yelling.

Two nervous breakdowns, two heart attacks, but no doctor ever understood why I really DID have to push myself that far.

So it literally does my heart good when you express what I had to express, the exact resentments I had to hide.