“Officer Brian, you reported an armed robbery. Do you have a description of the suspect?”
“Yes.”
“Well, give it to us.”
“I said I HAVE it. I’m not sure I can give it to you.”
“Why, didn’t you see him clearly?”
“ I didn’t say it was male.”
“Was it a female?”
“Sergeant, more than half of the people in this country are female. If I said the person was a female you would suspect millions of people on no basis but their sex?”
“Well, how tall was the suspect?”
“Sergeant, are you going to go out and start rounding up people on the basis of their height?”
“For God’s sake, man, which direction was the suspect going in?”
“If I give you the direction, you will start looking at everyone going in that direction. A person is innocent until proven guilty. Thousands of people are going in every direction in this city, innocent people. There could even be roadblocks set up which implied that this group of people is more likely to be armed robbers than people who choose to go in another direction.”
“Were they in a vehicle?”
“If they were, it might mean they had a handicap because they could not walk or run. If so, this would be profiling of everyone who is old or differently abled. Otherwise it would profile those who are not.”
“Officer Brian, is there ANYTHING you can tell us about this perpetrator?”
“ALLEGED perpetrator, sir.”
“ALL RIGHT. Is there anything you can tell us about this alleged perpetrator that would aid us in finding him or her?”
“Not without profiling. It was just a person, regardless of race, color, creed or national origin.”
“Officer Brian, turn in your badge and gun. I just checked with headquarters and you are fired.”
“Not for refusing to profile I’m not. The ACLU will beat you on that.”
“The ACLU is against you. You continuously referred to your subject as “a person.,” so PETA has filed a joint action with the ACLU for your removal for specieist profiling.”
#1 by Dave on 06/10/2010 - 11:14 am
The police officers’ kit:
Let’s start clockwise 360 degrees on the 4 inch nylon belt held up by a suspendered harness girdling the officer’s standard issue 35 pound overweight and protruding belly:
So we are talking about a suspendered nylon belt 40 inch in circumference with the addition of about 4 inches in horizontal protrusions all around for hanging and containing all the ornaments a police officer is required to carry, so when the officer passes through any door he is confronted with roughly the same situation a 1500 pound sea lion faces in passing through the door of a camping trailer parked at the beach.
Clockwise: (1) loop for hanging radio handset with dangling spiral cord; (2) loop for small baton; (3) loop for large baton; (4) loop for small flashlight; (5) loop for large flashlight; (6) pouch for four sets of handcuffs; (7) pouch for three sets of latex gloves; (8) pouch for three clips of 9mm ammo; (10) hard plastic holster for 9mm Glock semi-auto handgun (the “earth shoe” of handguns); (11) loop for can of pepper spray; (12) pouch for bottle of Tylenol; (13) pouch for bottle of blood pressure medication; (14) pouch for extra set of contact lenses; (15) pouch for personal cell phone.
Uniform: (1) Polyester/cotton blend wrinkle free BDU (actually standard janitor’s uniform); (2) A variety of sewn on embroidered badges and shields indicating jurisdiction; (3) The absolutely required American flag sleeve patches; (4) Metal policeman’s badge shield (always too large for near sighted people) pinned on right front pocket; (5) Nylon zippered man purse containing extra flashlight batteries, a cell phone charger cord, a can of jock itch spray, and a can of athlete’s foot spray; (6) Pair of Chinese made hybrid combat boot cum sneakers made with cheap black leather and too thick rubber soles and overly padded insoles with imitation Dr. Scholl’s built in inserts intended for people with bad arches; (7) Thick cotton tube socks from Walmart.
Organizational environment: (1) Immediate supervisors; (2) Police Chief; (3) City administrator; (4) City council; (5) County commissioners; (6) County executive; (7) Sheriff (the one that is elected); (8) City attorney; (9) District court judges; (10) Superior court judges; (11) Union stewards; (12) Labor lawyers; (13) Personal injury lawyers; (14) Workers Compensation lawyers; (15) Workers Compensation Administrative Law judges.
Personal environment; (1) Aging 65 pound overweight wife wanting to trade fully paid for Chevy Suburban that used to get 14 miles per gallon in the city before the ethanol mandate (and now gets 9 miles per gallon) for a Toyota Prius Hybrid and another 5 year string of torturous $325 per month payments; (2) 15 year old daughter eating up any opportunity to add to 401(k) mutual funds (that are deprecating anyway) owing to outlays for acne medications and Nutri-System products; (3) 12 year son into smoking Bo; (4) Dogged determination not to pledge any of remaining equity in home for upcoming college tuition costs for kids.
American police are splendid opponents of cunning and successful criminals. It is their kit, organizational environment, and personal environment that gives them the edge. Rest assured, the successful criminals out there in their $250 shoes, and $500 shirts, and $5,000 suits are quaking in fear.
#2 by shari on 06/10/2010 - 12:14 pm
This would be funny,if it weren’t ACTUALLY made law. Only white countries do this!!! It’s not funny. It’s genocidal childishness.