In a life full of lows, it was about the worst. I crawled into alcohol and drug recovery and was put in a hospital.
The only way I could contact anybody outside the institution was for a counselor to make the call and explain why any complaints I made were not rational.
One time my counselor put in a call for me to my ex-wife.
My ex-wife had seen me at my worst and my best. There was nothing awful about me that she had not said at one time or another, and she invented some biggies.
But what she could say to me and what someone else could say about me were two entirely different things. She still loved me, and you had bettter tread very carefully when talking about someone a woman cares about.
The counselor — female — was talking to my ex-wife and explaining that she respected my intelligence but I was being irrational. She then said, “Now, Bob may be the smartest person here, but…”
Her face went slack. She was talking to someone I knew very well, and I knew exactly what she had run into.
Something like this: Yes, Bob IS the smartest person there and I have seen in a state of collapse and he does NOT go to pieces and get irrational and …
When you are in no position to fight back a woman who loves you shows what “my better half” means.
As a man, one tries to LOOK good. No matter what the conditions, one is only allowed to defend onesself in a way that looks objective.
But the other half of you wants to say, “Look, I am flat on my backside now, but some of what I say makes sense.”
In an evolutionary sense, men must always appear to be in control. Everything they do has to be aimed at looking good, looking calm. Women do not pick males who panic on the strutting ground.
During the hundreds of millions of years we spent looking good on the strutting ground, women developed a different imperative. She does the choosing. And when she has chosen, she backs it up.
All the way.
When she has picked you, when she is taking your side or the side of your chicks, she has, in man’s terms, “no shame.”
That is because she has nothing to be ashamed OF.
What you were out there strutting for was to be chosen. Once she has chosen you, it is a very, very big deal indeed.
No, you are not as important to her as the offspring, but you are in the same league with them, and no one else is.
A female bird will without hesitation draw the fox off her chicks by acting like she has a broken wing. Men get medals for less.
If a man had to go through what women routinely go through at childbirth, you would have to gas them under at the outset.
Women who love don’t give a thought to how they look. They will do anything.
Which gives me good laugh when I hear men talk about how brave they’ve been, how tough they are, how ruthless they can be.
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