God made man in His own image.
That means God has a sense of humor.
So a guy shows up at the Pearly Gates. This guy has preached all his life that God created hundreds of billions of people specifically so they could spend eternity in the agonies of Hell.
Naturally, this guy thinks he is an exception, so he thinks it’s all just fine.
He says it all may SOUND unfair, but the damnation of men, women and babies “glorifies” God. He says,
“We all deserve Death.” By which he means that, by being born, we all deserve eternal and unimaginable agony.
Including him. But he gets a pass because he knows that.
He says this is OK because God is so great that He doesn’t have to show us the slightest mercy or justice. He says only a tiny group of people, including him, will get a break.
So there he stands, at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter starts laughing.
Peter says, “You said you deserve Hell, so you’re going to Hell.”
“But,” this Great Theologian says, “I read the Word! I don’t DESERVE Hell”
Peter replies, “That’s what’s so funny. Hell is an awful place. The only people who deserve to be there are the people who think it’s just.”
“But,” screams the Great Theologian as he watches the Pit open below him, “That’s not FAIR!”
The last thing he ever hears besides his own screams is St. Peter saying, “Who are YOU to ask God to be just? He is too great for you ask such a thing, REMEMBER?
“God knew that a few people like you would decide, in cold blood, that all his fellow men deserved eternal agony. YOU deserve Hell, so down you go.
“You see, God didn’t create the rest of humanity to go to Hell for his own glory. He’s got plenty of glory.
“God is decent to the humans He created. But He knew a few like you would think Hell was just fine for everybody else. So you are getting history’s biggest hotfoot.”
And the last words the Great Theologian ever heard besides his own screams were these:
“God didn’t create everybody else to be damned for His glory. God created humans just so a few sadistic nuts like you would come along. He doesn’t need glory.
“But He can use a good laugh.”
#1 by Elizabeth on 11/09/2004 - 8:00 pm
Good!
I’ve never understood that kind of “religion.”
The closest I ever came to being an atheist was during the
few months I attended a school in which the Ten Commandments
were posted in every classroom.
The most effective religious book I ever read was the
autobiography of a middle class European girl who lived in
the late 1800s and who taught that the way to Heaven is through
being forgiving and understanding with your fellow humans
and in loving God and His Son.
#2 by Mike on 11/09/2004 - 9:25 pm
Reminds me of that line I hear out of Christians sometimes, “oh
God, you are worthy to be praised!”
I can hear God saying, “gee
thanks, I’m glad you think so, I was worried.”
#3 by JC on 11/09/2004 - 10:08 pm
So, you’re saying God’s an ***, too? Well..you did leave out the part where he/she/it says “Just kidding!”
#4 by H.S. on 11/09/2004 - 10:47 pm
Elizabeth,
Bob wrote last month about the current version of her ideas:
http://whyjohnny.com/blog/wp-trackback.php/167
10/7/2004
Women Tend to Vote for Rape
Filed under: Politics— site admin @ 2:08 pm
Noting a few of Bob’s comments make similar points, a good man who has dedicated his life to successfully pulling up and out the “worst” of humanity has also stated the truth:
————————————-
It is customary for a Bible scholar to base his interpretation of a passage on the theological position that he has accepted. The problem with this approach is that no theological system is totally without some human error, because it is not inspired. It is man’s explanation of Biblical truth.
This is not to say that theology is unimportant. Wrong doctrine leads to wrong behavior. No one was more concerned about false doctrine than the Apostle Paul. He maintained a continual battle against false teaching. However, he did not base sound doctrine on the theological views of his day but on the words of Jesus Christ and that which leads to Christlike living. …
Scripture is a living, powerful instrument IN THE HAND OF GOD. It functions on what appears to us to be paradoxes. In a similar fashion, the muscles in our bodies are only able to function by opposing tensions.
On the one hand, Scripture presents the Law of God, but then it contrasts this with the Grace of God. Scripture teaches the need for justice, but then it counters this with mercy. We are told to cease from our own labor and enter the rest that is in Christ. At the same time, we are commanded to work for the night is coming when no man can work and to labor for the Lord. We have freedom in Christ. However, we are to make ourselves servants to all people.
If we emphasize only one side of God’s Biblical equation, we can certainly support it with verses of Scripture, but we will come out with the wrong answer.
TRUTH OUT OF BALANCE LEADS TO HERESY.
————————————-
It seems that Bob may have run into a few heretics in his lifetime. He knows one or two intimately I could guess. But, God bless us all for “the way to Heaven is through being forgiving and understanding with your fellow humans and in loving God and His Son.”
#5 by Horace on 11/10/2004 - 11:19 am
God made man in His own image.
Man made God in his own image.
I have never worried about Hell. I don’t even know where it is now. But it used to be inside me. Then I went into a Black neighborhood and it scared the hell out of me.
#6 by Don on 11/10/2004 - 11:41 am
I have a friend who describes himself as an apanostic. When I asked what that meant, he said it means that he is too lazy to get up and go to church on Sunday morning.
#7 by Don on 11/10/2004 - 11:47 am
Someone said to me: “Aren’t you concerned about your afterlife?”
To which I responded: “No, I am busy trying to get the present one right. The afterlife will just have to take care of itself.”
#8 by Don on 11/10/2004 - 12:08 pm
At the begining of the summer, a church in Florida had a sign which read: “Prayer changes things.”
At the end of the summer, after the sign had been rebuilt, it said: “Hurricanes do too, but making the connection is a whole lot easier.”
#9 by Don on 11/10/2004 - 3:05 pm
When I was growing up, we took our Christianity very seriously. The minister at the church was good-natured. I liked him.
Alas, a well-stacked member with a low IQ and easy access to the church basement proved his undoing.
The next Sunday the topic of his sermon was “The Hills of Judea.”
Then he got caught and had to leave. I sort of missed him.
In any case, I suppose the moral of this is: Let he who is without sin go visit the Holy Land.
#10 by Richard L. Hardison on 11/10/2004 - 6:52 pm
Bob points out the beliefs of Calvinists. The early church believed exactly yhre opposite of what Calvin and Augustine did. God gets no glory when a person chooses to go to hell. God made a way of escape, through his Son, so we would not have to spend an eternity separated from him. The Bible does describe hell in terms of a “lake of fire,” but to me hell would be separation from God and all that is right and good – the flame would be the least of my concern.
I have reached the conclusion that John Calvin probably was not a Christian. His theology was shot through with Hellenistic philosophy and showed little respect for the early writers who directly opposed his philosophy. The biggets fall out was a lack of evangelical zeal among his followers – after why try when their fate has already been determined since eternity past? Christ said Go, Calvin said it was God’s work and it would be arrogant to try.
Calvinism still poisons theological discourse and, ironically, it’s the Calvinists that cry “heresy” most often and at the slightest excuse. The main problem is that Calvin did not write the 67-70th books of the bible.