Archive for December 14th, 2004

His Majesty in the Waiting Room

Posted by Bob in General on 12/14/2004

One thing I admired about my boss on Capitol Hill, Congressman John Ashbrook, was his telephone instructions.

If someone asked for the Administrative Assistant or some other big shot in the office, you asked them their name, put them on hold, and told the Big Man what peasant was trying to get His Attention.

But if someone called John Ashbrook himself when he was in his office, you said, “Just a minute, please,” put them on hold, and rang him on the intercom.

John took the call and he didn’t need to know WHO was calling him. He would find that out for himself. He said, “I’m a representative, that’s what I’m here for.”

John had worked with Gerald Ford for many years in congress before Ford was suddenly appointed vice president and then president. While he was president he called John’s office. John’s line was busy so the receptionist who answered the phone told him to wait, and then she asked who he was. He said, “This is Jerry Ford.”

There are a lot of “Jerry Fords” in the world, so she thought nothing of it. The President of the United States was put on hold for fifteen minutes.

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Few Laws, Strictly Enforced

Posted by Bob in Law and Order on 12/14/2004

I have made a LOT of laws and regulations in my time. I was sitting in a regulatory panel once, and we were laying out guidelines for rules under the Reagan Administration.

One Big Man, a real biggie, laid out the parameters. He said, “We must only have regulations we can actually enforce.”

This was serious stuff. Everybody in the room had the necessary grave expression on his face, except for one complete idiot who just had to say something stupid. So that idiot said,

“You know, God Almighty is still trying to enforce ten.”

They laughed. I will not tell you who that idiot was.

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After the Internet

Posted by Bob in History on 12/14/2004

The Seinfeld Show ran from 1990-1998, with one showing of its pilot in 1989.

In one of the earlier episodes, but not the first, a superefficient girl was talking to Seinfeld and talked about a number of things, including how to use e-mail. He was overwhelmed, and after she left he said to himself, “What’s e-mail?”

We are not talking about Mayberry here. This was a Yuppie in the middle of New York City.

In a later episode, but not nearly the last, Kramer says he wants his mail delivery to stop. The Post Office head admits there is no reason for the Post Office to exist any more, and one of the reasons given is e-mail.

To repeat, the show ran from 1990-1998.

That is a FAST turnaround.

So when we talk about the changes the Internet will bring, we had better talk about the Internet ET AL.

Only a few years ago, there were theories about a future in which people worked at home. My niece’s husband now works in California and lives in South Carolina. I spent three hours this week fixing my computer talking to several people in India – the dreaded “outsourcing.” Those guys are not working in India, they’re working HERE.

In the 1980s we were talking about genes and a far future in which they might even be able to look at them. Now it’s routine.

You know those human-looking animated characters they’ve developed for TV? They are still very identifiable as non-human, but you have to look close. In a few years they will simply take pictures of humans and manipulate them as they choose. You will see NEW episodes of I Love Lucy, and Lucy’s DEAD.

If you need something special today, where do you go to buy it? It used to be Macy’s or Gimble’s in the middle of New York City. Then it became the malls. Now it’s becoming the Internet.

What next?

Just how much longer are there going to BE big cities? Certainly they’re not getting bigger, and most of them have already become largely slave quarters for liberal minority voters.

When we talk about social security, it might be useful to talk about how much longer people are going to BE getting older.

And pretty soon we’ll have to stop panicking about those “engineered genes” and start deciding whether kids without egentic improvements can actually compete in a world where others are giving their children higher intelligence and more drive and better looks.

I think we better stop talking like latter-day Amish.

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