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Posted by Bob on May 2nd, 2007 under Bob

In the spirit what I said below in “Standing Together,” I want to tell you something about the resource we call Bob.

My Federal Disability Report gave me a financial boost better than winning the lottery. It listed me as not only disability-level ADD, overly concerned with “offensive concerns” and an endless list of other things. Damn, that thing was LONG. It would have been MUCH shorter if it just listed what I DIDN’T have.

But I am almost legendary for giving good personal advice. As long as this old nutcase does THAT, none of this bothers me. It may be that what “offensive concerns” makes me give advice entirely to help OTHER people.

Mixed into almost everybody else’s advice, including psychiatrists’ is:

1) A desire to show how good THEY are, worthy of being put on the pedestal of Advisor;


2) Their pet obsessions. In other words, PREACHING.

I just want to help.

Anyway, one of the endless array of my problems was “borderline schizophrenic.”

I think this “two minds” bit showed up when my last team decided they could no longer support me. They did NOT just drop out on me and leave me high and dry in a snit the way the coat-and-tie types I discussed did. They are honorable people. The honor that made them leave me on principle was REAL. It would not let them just walk out.

People love to TALK abut honor. Damned few PRACTICE it.

Anyway back to my favorite subject, me.

My first reaction when they informed me of their decision was, to my surprise, RELIEF.

I have worked myself into two nervous breakdowns. My breakdowns were the opposite of what that word conjures up. I had pushed myself through hundred-hour, high-pressure weeks, year after year. It hurt more as I got older, but I just soldiered on. One day, something in me just QUIT.

I am NOT exaggerating when I say that if my bed had caught fire, I might have been willing to roll to roll out of it. I called my ex-wife. She got into action for me, but her first reaction was, “I was wondering when this would happen.”

I then made my second and last call to my doctor brother. He said he would get in touch with my ex, NOT “Bob why don’t YOU call her and SAY …”

But my brother’s first reaction sounded like an echo, “I was wondering when this would happen.” Everybody saw it coming and had warned me, but if I had been sensible I wouldn’t have worked myself into TWO, count ‘em, TWO breakdowns.

So when my team did their honorable withdrawal I bemoaned the end of the promotion of my book and all we were doing together, so the relief surprised me. It came from a part of my mind, a SEPARATE part I had not been listening to.


Here I had gotten some top-notch people to go at things I had been desperately wanting. So I drove on with their genius, their dedication, and their ENERGY.

Do you know how hard it is to tell your Dream Team that you are DANGEROUSLY exhausted? Do you realize how hard it is, when you have worked for YEARS to GET that Dream Team, to tell YOURSELF that you are dangerously exhausted?

When the final news came, a part of my brain said tome, clear as a bell, “Dammit, Bob, you promised me a REST when you were mustered out. Now GIVE it to me!” I had always kept going by telling myself “Just ONE more thing.” I “one more thinged” myself into TWO breakdowns and was working on a third.

If this is that hard for me to understand, think how impossible it is to explain to OTHERS. And the energy to explain that to others comes out of the same desperately diminishing energy account I am trying to explain.

If it was just a matter of WILL, I wouldn’t slow down. When I feel the exhaustion, I get SCARED now. I find myself not doing things a decent man would routinely do. I get your names mixed up. I leave people dangling who are working their hearts out for us. This, combined with my “offensive worries,” makes a miserable combination.

I am sure I have said this before. I am writing it here, once and for all, so I can copy and paste it.

SysOps can explain this better than I can. She has a LOT of experience with the Care and Feeding of Bob.

I don’t just WANT you to take the ball and run with it. I NEED that. If you want to tell somebody something or DO something, just CLEAR it with me. DON’T make ME the go-between. If it’s by e-mail, I will, in a couple of days, get your go-ahead and theirs, then give you their address.

I am still your devoted leader, perfessor, and coach. If you need me to LISTEN, that puts no strain on me. If you need a clearance or advice, you using my energy right.

People keep explaining to me that THEY have a LIFE, so they can’t do things. They explain this to me as if I were a person with an inexhaustible supply of energy and nothing else to do. So am I supposed to explain this to them?

No, I just smile very sadly and put their standard statement in the Round File.

  1. #1 by shari on 05/02/2007 - 2:27 pm

    God bless you Mr. Whitaker. You got a double dose, being both smarter than AND tougher than the average bear. Those are hard gifts, when you are not a psychopath or sociopath. In this time, anyway. Hope you’ll be around at least a while longer, especially for these younger mens’ sake. I also don’t wish years of decrepitude on you, but I doubt that will happen.

  2. #2 by Dave on 05/02/2007 - 2:56 pm

    Everyone has physical and mental limits (really biological limits) imposed upon him or her by the flesh and blood plight we all share.

    Certain personalities are driven to test these limits, rather than being cautious about how much they are able to accomplish or cope with. Really, this is pretty ordinary.

    But this involves something more important that most of us realize, for underlying this issue is the reason we are so plagued by sociopaths.

    For example, consider John McCain.

    John McCain is a genuine sociopath. He has no conscience. But unfortunately, that is the very mechanism that allows him to cope and compete in the big league arena he functions. What makes John McCain so effective is the fact that he is incapable of doing anything for a right and worthy reason.

    Bill Clinton fits this mold also.

    What made him so effective was the fact that he could not act upon anything for a reason that was genuinely worthy. Consequently, he had no energy deficit from moral debt.

    Accordingly, he decision making was easy. He just asked himself what action he could take that would most maximize human suffering somewhere. He then took that course of action.

    Nothing ever came before him that wasn’t a “no brainier”.

    Worse, he was widely praised for this “brilliance”.

    This plague is a big piece of our political plight. Always has been.

    Why can’t people see this? It is a great tragedy that they can’t.

  3. #3 by AFKAN on 05/02/2007 - 4:15 pm


    First, a technical comment: [thank you –Sys Op]

    Second, a technical question – do we still need to do the NOT SPAM?

    Third, one of the most brilliant people I ever met was a highly functioning schizophrenic, and kept it at bay until he got home, and coped with alcohol. He referred to another plant, with a Civilization out of Buckminster Fuller’s dreams, as “Home.” Jis joke was that being assigned to work here was a penalty box duty from “Home.”

    He was what was impossible, and entered into this highly functioning schizophrenic state to build a conceptual bridge from where we were, to where we COULD be. His nickname was “The Oracle.”

    It just drove him to exasperation that we could not see what he saw, and he had to make a SERIOUS effort to “slow down” enough to talk to us.

    We get lucky with that, from time to time.

    Dave correctly notes how easy this can be for a gifted charismatic sociopath (yes, Bob was right, preachers are sociopaths – with a few exceptions), and echoes a point that Robert Kocher made about the Clintons, and the society that would support and sustain them.

    Essentially, I suspect, the society at large is breaking down from their failure to accept the Real World, and deal with it correctly.

    The two Minds – SCHIZOphrenia – that most of us must carry simply can not work together for so long; in social settings, we all pretend that RACE does not matter, save that it is something that White People have to use against the Noble Red Man, the Spiritually Superior Black Man, and the self-proclaimed Chosen People of (a Demonic) God, the Jews.

    Clear thinking about RACE really goes a long way to clearing out the internally generated conflict that leaves as neutralized, and helpless in the face of our Oppressors.

    My Goal is pretty simple – I define every issue in terms of RACE, as the Living Bridge between Family and Culture.

    The rest is easy.

    Covington’s Northwest Republic provides a wonderful analytical framework to do that in.

  4. #4 by Bob on 05/02/2007 - 8:26 pm

    No, the agony of putting in NO SPAM is no longer upon you. It is now just a brag that one is an old-timer here.

    This is not Covington’s Blog. Please stop treating it as if it is.

    The rest of your statement is appreciated. I am just tired of the Same Old Song, and others have written me that they are, too.

    We need you. Just cut the crap.

  5. #5 by Bob on 05/02/2007 - 8:30 pm

    Donna, applying for SS disability is a long process, and they make it as hard as they can. This makes it easy for sociopathic cheats to ride along through the process, and horrible for genuinely disabled people like you to get the help that is the whole point of the system.

    Contact me. I think you need somebody in your corner.

  6. #6 by AFKAN on 05/04/2007 - 12:16 am

    quick update to SysOp:

    in the turbochargedcms link above, it looks like you can just replace the turbochargedcms tool with

    That seems to do miracles on its own.

    quick update to Dave:

    McCain came across on the Republican debate as he really is, and it seem to reflect that in the DrudgeReport polls; at this hour, Drudge report shows:

    Brownback 2% 963
    Gilmore 2% 694
    Giuliani 21% 9,121
    Huckabee 4% 1,666
    Hunter 3% 1,297

    McCain 6% 2,714

    Paul 15% 6,368
    Romney 34% 14,750
    Tancredo 5% 2,299
    Tommy Thompson 7% 3,105

    Total Votes: 42,977

    With all of his time in politics, McCain is clocking at SIX PERCENT on Drudge Report!

  7. #7 by Sys Op on 05/04/2007 - 12:54 am

    AFKAN: Thank you – good to plan way ahead, even if only for attack mode that SF defends against 24/7. What an honor.

    BTW. I’m not aware of any traffic here even coming close to those volumes. A lot of the non-WP specific remedies we can’t use–no access to Apache and MySQL server-side settings. This shared IP/server does not support Keep-Alive, so would not even run Torrent. Hopefully some of this will change over the weekend. We’re in the “3 keys to the safe and only one around at any point in time” mode at the moment. As with any movement that involves people, I’m not averse to 3 keys to the safe.

  8. #8 by Peter on 05/04/2007 - 12:46 pm

    In an Old Norse class I took, there was a reading on the Berserkers and what mental illness they had. There are different theories, but one is Manic Depression, since they worked themselves up to an invulnerable fury and then collapsed the day after the battle was over.

    Also came up was how the Red Injuns handled schizophrenics. They were valued as seers into the other side and were taken care of. Old white societies also valued them as prophets and people with unique perspectives. There is even some speculation that monasteries may have played a deliberate role by taking in such people as sensitives while addressing their paranoia by protecting them from the outside world and giving them tools to protect themselves from mental attacks by evil spirits.

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